Italy

I've been a little absent lately, I know.  I apologize.  Not that there are hordes of followers here. 

At any rate, things have been good--busy, but good.  The owner of the company I work for had re-thunk his enthusiasm for me and a PhD, and has begun a campaign to keep me around.  Makes me feel good, but I don't think that's what I want for my life.

At any rate, that's not why I stopped by.  I'm heading out to Italy early tomorrow morning.  Going to the Sunbelt Social Networks conference in Riva, Riva de la Garda, Italy.  I and a few colleagues are presenting a paper there (I just finished the slides today; that was fun--developing my first conference presentation).

At any rate, more to come. 

Stop over to my other blog, myndfood, to check out a photoblog of the trip (I'm going to be doing a little sightseeing).

Rejection

It's been busy the past few weeks. 

As part of my role in the company I work for is Director of a management institute.  Over the past year we've branched out quite a bit and begun working with external groups, including academics, on various projects (some emperical research).  Last week we hosted our inaugural symposium, with guests from all over the US (and a couple of speakers even joining us via videoconference from Europe). 

A few of the speakers were professors from some very good schools.  They're all folks whose work I've read and who I've forged a relationship with, but it was really good to have them out as our guests to present some of their research.  I was able to spend some time discussing research ideas and we've outlined a few research paths that we're going to begin working on in the coming weeks.

All in all, very exciting.  It feels really good to build these relationships with such great academic minds, and it's a great opportunity to be able to work with such incredible people.

At dinner one evening, one of the professors asked me what draws me to academia.  I thought that was an intriguing question and I answered as truthfully as I could.  I told him that the thought of forming an idea, exploring and proving the concepts, and then disseminating that idea as something that was birthed, at least in part, in my mind, was really appealing to me.  He accepted that.

He had some interesting comments for me too, though.  The most successful academics, he said, are those who can find a place in themselves where they receive energy from the endless rejection that comes with research and publishing.  Many researchers, he indicated, are beaten down by the rejection (he admitted that at times it's difficult not to be) and their productivity slows because of it.  But finding a way to channel that feedback (even though it seems overwhelmingly harsh) into fuel for your work is a key ingredient to a prolific research career. 

That's going to be difficult for me, I think.  It's hard for me to hear how stupid my ideas are; I'm finding myself working to psych myself up for it (I know; that's really weird).  One of the other researchers at dinner made a comment that I think will help.  She said that she looks at the review and rejection process as an opportunity to better her work.  She tries to read past the harsh language in each letter and focus on pulling out the nuggets pointing her toward a more refined work product.  The first professor concurred.  He's an editor of a prestigious journal and he said that his job as an editor is to try to get papers published; that means he focuses on ensuring the author has a clear perspective as to the strengths of the article, and how those can be expounded on.  I think if I get some of that with every rejection letter, I can deal with the rejection portion.

Family Balance

The PhD process, I hear, is stressful no matter who you are.  Making the life change required in order to pursue this particular dream is particularly challenging as a husband and parent (with this whole life that we've built, the trappings of which we're going to have to pare away in order to do this).  I'm going to have to walk away from a great career, move away from a great place with wonderful friends and a great church, and leave our lovely house--and move to someplace far away, and life on substantially less money in a home (or perhaps apartment) not nearly as beautiful as this one, and meet all new friends in some strange place. 

I'm stressing myself out just writing about it. 

I'd be lying if I said it's not going to be a sacrifice; it is.  As I've "grown up" and we've had children, the natural order of life has snuck up on us and, without realizing it, we've put down some pretty deep roots.  Even my children are a little worried about leaving their school and their friends.

But then, nothing comes easy, and most things worth doing cost something.  We've talked a lot about it, and we are committed to the change.

I've been a little worried about the family/life balance once in the program, though.  A friend put me in touch with two married-with-children PhD ABD's; I chatted with each of them this week.  It was nice to pick someone's brain a bit about trying to maintain a balanced life while pursuing the PhD. 


Neither of them painted the process out to be a walk in the park; they both impressed upon me the heavy time commitment that is the PhD process.  But they also both indicated that they have a fulfilled family life; it's not the same as it used to be, they both admit, but still healthy and fulfilling.  And their children and spouses understand and are supportive.


All in all, I think that, in a strange way, the conversations were both reassuring.  It helps to know married parents who are doing this successfully--to talk to them, and know that they're not superhuman or something.  As strange as it sounds, a real conversation with a real person like me, makes me feel a little more certain; if they can do it, so can I. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessing over the smallest details, but I have this desperate need to know everything there is to know about what I'm getting into.  Nothing wrong with that, is there?

I doubt I'm all that different from most others who've passed this way.

The Sum of All Fears

I read these online forums obsessively--these PhD admissions forums, where PhD hopefuls like (and including) me go and engage in sometimes enlightened discourse about the application process.  Sometimes it seems a little like the blind leading the blind.  I know there are some "hopefuls" around who know quite a bit more than I do about the PhD process (after all, I never really even considered a PhD until about two years ago; some of these folks have known since they were a freshman in high school.  OK; maybe that's an exaggeration, but you get the point), but the truth is, none of the other "hopefuls" on there have trod this path either; they're in a situation pretty similar to mine.  So it's a kind of laughable that I hop on and troll about looking for bits of sage wisdom from these other folks who, by and large, are ALSO searching for that golden bit of advice.

At any rate, I'm off topic already!  I was on today reading through profiles of folks who've received admits, and came across this signature:

Pr(Admission) = ∑ (all fears)

I thought is was pretty funny.  Not sure if I read it correctly, but I THINK it means "probability of admission equals the sum of all fears."

That's funny.

Although, I think it'd be more appropriate if it were:

1 - Pr(Admission) = ∑ (all fears)

At any rate, that's me; it's where I live.  Maybe not truly the sum of all fears, but it's hard not to obsess about Pr(Admission) when you've finally committed yourself to this drastic life change.  Because the worst thing would be fully committing yourself emotionally to this path and after all the work, all the effort, all the sacrifice, it coming down to a list of rejects and no admits. 

It happens.  I found a few on the online forums.  And they weren't unqualified applicants either. 

So I hedge my bets (by casting a wide net--applying to too many schools), and do everything I can to enhance my profile (working on a new research project with a new group of researchers, by the way; did I tell you?).  But still, the fear persists.  Because there are things hanging out there (like my undergrad GPA) that are just enormous blemishes on my profile.

If you're reading this, and you find yourself in a similar position--you fret and obsess and worry (until your hair begins to fall out and you've started biting your fingernails again, a habit you conquered ten years ago) about your chances of admission--I hate to tell you, but I don't have any magic words for you!  I do, though, stop periodically to reflect on a particularly apropros quote by Goethe:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." 

I comfort myself knowing that there's power in commitment; that a higher power (Providence if you read Goethe; perhaps, if you're a little more spiritually minded like me, God) steps in and moves on your behalf.

Good thing.

To GRE or Not to GRE?

That IS the question.

You see, two of the schools that are on my list, it turns out, will only accept the GRE for the program I'm interested in (as opposed to the GMAT--which I took).  The first program is a longshot for me (one of the top 2 or 3 programs in the US), and it's not really one of my preferred programs (although it'd be hard to say no if I was accepted), but I don't think I'd take the GRE if it were just for that school.  But I was scouring the website of one of my other prospects the other evening, and found that it requires the GRE as well.

So now I'm torn.  This second program is a respected program (maybe 20-50 range), with high research output.  And as it turns out, I was introduced to a professor there at a recent conference; we had a great conversation and she's made subsequent email introductions to a few of her colleagues there in the department.  So, now, I feel like I really SHOULD take the stinkin' GRE. 

Grr...

I was REALLY looking forward to being done with the whole aptitude test thing.  All that studying, and prepping; if I take the GRE, I'll have to do it all over again.

I dunno.  Should I?

CV Draft Done...But the Stinkin' SOP!

I've completed the first draft of my CV.  It's actually a pretty solid CV!  My research experience already rivals someone who's been in a PhD program for a few years (2 major conference presentations, one regional presentation, one paper under review at a reputable journal and two other research projects in progress).  And I've got some great work experience (a very high level research oriented management role at a large manufacturing company).  All in all, I'm pretty proud of the CV.  May have a chance to add an item or two to it by app time.

The SOP is the thing that's getting me.  I've started it.  Twice.  And it just doesn't seem to flow right.  I feel like I'm devoting too much to time in the beginning to the "history" thing (the "how did you come to be interested in what you're interested in").  I've got a great story--one that does a good job of taking me through my professional career (and the SOP as written really does a good job at extrapolating the really cool things I've done in my professional career and how they play into my foundation for a solid, successful career in academia), but it seems like by the time I get down to my specific research interests, they're buried beneath the story.

That doesn't seem right.

I dunno...maybe you can help me?  I'm under no illusion that this blog is widely read, but I know a few of you read it; those who've gained admission to a few programs, tell me about your SOP. 

SIOP Presentation

One academic presentation down.  Not really a presentation, exactly; it was a poster session which means, for those non-academic folks out there reading this (incidentally, if that's you, why are you reading this?  Seems boring...), that you prepare a poster outlining your paper--the overall concept, your hypotheses, your research methodology, your results and conclusions.  Then you place that poster on a wall along with 20 or so other researchers working on related research.  Then people walk through, peruse the various posters and, occasionally, ask questions about the research.  A few even request that you send them a copy. 

It was a neat experience.  Probably not the most glamorous sort of presentation, I know; I think my wife initially had this idea that hundreds of people would pack into a hall to hear me expostulate on my lofty findings, all hanging on my every word.  Not quite like that.  But still very rewarding.

Hard to explain it because, in a sense, it's like writing your first novel and, pre-publication, boiling it all down to a few pictures posted on a bulletin board, and standing next to it as folks meander by, every once in a while stopping to ask a question.  When you think about it, it seems like it cheapens the work.  But that's not really true.  It allows you to expose a work in progress to the rest of the world.  Perhaps some get to know the work a little better; a few get to know you (a great thing if you're planning to pursue a PhD at their university); and a few provide you with pretty valuable feedback. 

So, all in all, it was a pretty rewarding experience.  I'm glad I got to experience it.

Next: a presentation at an international conference in early July (I'm going to Italy!). 

On another note, I had a chance to meet with some faculty from a number of other universities while I was at the conference.  One of my recommendations took me to a reception and introduced me to a few folks who he knows from a few other universities.  Turned out to be a very valuable experience; two of the folks I met are from universities I'll be applying to this fall--both of the universities very highly regarded (high research producing schools).  I've already been in email contact with one of the profressors, and she's brokered email introductions with four other faculty members!  Pretty excited about that!

Also had a chance to sit down with to faculty members from a very prestigious university--one that's rapidly rising toward the top of my list.  They're going to be working with me and the company I work for on some research beginning next month.  It'll be a great experience; I'll get additional research exposure and likely have at least one additional paper accepted to the Academy of Management conference next year (I can put it on my CV at app time even though it hasn't happened yet).  It'll also, likely, result in at least one additional publication by the time I start whatever program I go into.  Of equal importance, I've developed a pretty good relationship with two very influential people from a university that I'm increasingly attracted to.

All in all a good thing!

The thing that worries me most...

...about academia is the obscure wit exhibited by so many truly smart people (like professors).  I stumble around on the web a bit, reading various professors' musings from time to time, and quite often, when you read the stuff academics write in their spare time, it's full of content that you know is supposed to be funny, but you can't quite figure out why.

And I find myself looking around guiltily, ready to break out in phony, raucous laughter if somebody seems to be watching just a little too closely (like they could ever really know that I was just too dumb to get the joke).

And this scares me.  Because these people are going to be my colleagues someday.  I wonder if they offer, in PhD programs, a course called "Snarky Academic Humor"?  If so, I'm going to take it; if not, I'm going to institute it when I'm finally a prof.

At any rate, back to why it scares me: the worst feeling in the world is "not getting it", and when you walk away, knowing beyond all doubt, that "they" are laughing quietly at you.

"Oh my goodness Harold!  I don't think he got it!"  (soft chuckles behind cupped hands).

"I know, Claire.  It's just so sad, isn't it?  How in the world did he get a job here, do you think?"

Whatever.

Final word: some things just shouldn't be allowed to be funny.  Examples?

-"funny" thing with latin phrases in them; out.
-unlikely kingdom-phylum-class-order-family-genus-species pairings; these are really only funny to like 8 REALLY smart people in the world.
-jokes with exponents in them; nope.
-jokes that draw on obscure cultural references (as opposed to popular cultural references); uh-uh.  Think about it, if you tell a joke that draws from some cultural reference that you KNOW only 2.5% of the population is going to understand, then you're just an elitist.

Probably more, but I'm running out of steam.

OK.  Now I'll get back to the real deal: preparing for an eventual PhD.  Did I tell you I started a Calculus class today?  Took one long ago but it was just that; long ago.  Thought it would be a good thing to brush up (and demonstrate how my quantitative prowess makes up for my pathetic sense of intellectual humor).

It's fun!

Next Week: SIOP

A while back a paper I'd worked on with a group of researchers was accepted for presentation at the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology (SIOP) annual conference in Atlanta.  I didn't realize this was a big deal going in, but it seems it is.  Particularly for a guy who is applying to doctoral programs (it indicates to admissions committees that you know what you're getting yourself into).

So off I go next week to present.  It'll be a great opportunity, too, to meet some of the faculty as many of my target schools.  I've built this enormous list of faculty, but it's not a complete as I would like it to be.  I'll have to spend some time first of the week fleshing it out.  I guess the best thing to do might be to go through the conference guide and determine when/if any of those faculty are presenting, then make sure I'm there!

Feels a little disingenuous, doesn't it, to sit in rapture as a guy who you want to want YOU presents his work, then vying for face time after the fact, hoping beyond hope he'll remember you in 10 months?  I don't know; I'm not really that type of person.  I tend to think that people can see through that sort of shallow, self-serving interest.  Maybe not; maybe they expect it.  On the other hand, perhaps it's a tell: if I can't get myself genuinely excited about their research, maybe the program (or at least that researcher) isn't the best fit given my interests?

I think I might've answered my own question!

Official Score In!

Oh!  Almost forgot: got the official GMAT score in today from GMAC.  It's a 750 (but we knew that already, right?).  The new information: a 6.0 AWA! 

Good stuff!

A Conversation With a Recommendation

Had a great conversation with one of my recommendations.  Spent quite a while going through the various elements of my package with him; we talked about the areas that are my biggest weaknesses (my undergrad GPA), and how to deal with them in the application process.  Also talked about my strengths (my GMAT, Grad GPA, work experience and, most importantly, research experience), and how to emphasize that in the application process.

We went through my list of schools; he encouraged me to expand the list on the high side (apply to more top tier schools; my profile is good enough to land a spot and it'd be terrible to end up at a tier 2 school, not because I wasn't qualified, but because the three top tier schools I applied to just didn't have a spot for me).  I felt that was a positive thing!

Finally, I asked him, formally, if he would provide me with a letter of recommendation, and he said he'd be glad to!  I'm very excited; he's a well respected (and VERY well-known researcher) in the field I want to go into, so I know the LOR will carry quite a bit of weight! 

GMAT; Check!

Took the GMAT this morning.  After countless hours of study, I landed a 750 (Q48, V44).  That places me in the 98th percentile.  I'm happy! 

So, with that done, I can get back to focusing on developing the rest of my application.  Here's my checklist:

• Finish draft of CV
• Write first draft of Statement of Purpose
• Meet with each of my potential references, and get their commitment for a strong reference.

I've also got to do a number of housekeeping things.  That GMAT score might open up a few doors that I was unsure about (in terms of the schools I apply to), so I'm going to revist my list of schools and finalize the list I'll actually apply to.  I also have to complete my master schedule (based on each school's application process/schedule).  I've spent quite a bit of time lately studying for the GMAT (on top of coursework in the MBA program) so I've not committed much time to building my application plan; gotta get back to it.

I also haven't told you: a few weeks ago, the family and I took a trip and visited the campus of one of my top schools.  It's beautiful!  And Shawna loved it.  Which makes me feel good! 

Things are coming together!

The List Grows...And Shrinks

So as I make progress, the list expands.  I've spent quite a bit of time this week researching faculty at the various schools on my list.  I've added a few to the list, and taken a few away; I have 10 on the list now.  I created a spreadsheet that has a number of factors (from "fit" of faculty with my research interests, to quality of the university, amount of the stipend, location, and "wife"--a factor she gets to put in based on her relative desire to land in the various cities).  Each factor has a weight.  I've gone through and assigned a value to each, and based on how the ratings stacked up, I've put together three sets of schools: Set A: top schools that score VERY high on my rating sheet; Set B: still top schools with pretty closely aligned research interests, but which score a little lower on my rating sheet; and Set C: very good schools that aren't exactly dead on with respect to my research interests.  I've also included two Set D schools--or second tier schools--as a sort of backup plan.

I've listed the various faculty I'm targeting at each university, and making a plan to scour their work.  Now I'm working on a master schedule (each one of the schools has a different application process and schedule) and a draft Statement of Purpose. 

Still to do: CV, GMAT (I'll take it this month), contact potential references.

Wife Weighed In

My wife and I talked about my list of schools yesterday.  There are a few on there that she's sincerely hoping don't happen (quality of life in those respective cities).  But I've spent some time this evening going through a few other sites, and I'm thinking the list is going to shift a bit.  I'm also going to put some time into classifying the schools (based on the various factors that play into my relative desire to land at each school). 

More to come...

The Short List

The plan is to go for a PhD in Management.  I'm targeting top business schools across the country, so tonight I sat down and pored over the various schools, first creating a comprehensive list of the schools I think I'd like to attend. 

I'm focusing on top-20 schools for the moment.  I've got a few "aim high" type schools (the ones with the "name"); a few top 10 schools that I think I've got a pretty good chance of getting in to; and a few 10-20 schools that I feel really good about.  My list currently has 13 schools:

• UCLA
• UC Berkeley
• University of Washington
• USC
• University of Maryland
• Cornell
• University of Texas at Austin
• Stanford University
• Columbia University
• University of Minnesota
• University of Pennsylvania
• Harvard Business School
• Carnegie-Mellon University

They're generally listed in order of preference (although, there are a few that might shift up or down a slot or two, depending on which criterion I'm focusing on at the moment).  The things that are important: quality of the program (obviously), particularly in the areas of Strategy and Organizational Behavior; researchers I'll be working with (I want to work with people who are interested in stuff that interests me); location (I'd LOVE to stay in California--and so would Shawna); how horrible the weather is where we eventually move (Minnesota really freaks me out).

More to come in coming weeks.  For now, I've got to focus on the GMAT.  I took it a little over a year ago (to get into the Drexel LEAD MBA program), and got a respectable score (680), but I'm pretty sure that, with a little studying, I can land at least a 730 (of course I'm shooting for perfect).  So I bought a voucher for this extraordinarily expensive 40 hour GMAT course; it starts tomorrow (10 hours in a classroom on a Sunday; doesn't sound incredibly exciting). 

I'll let you know how that goes!

Here Goes...

So, I'm on this journey that, basically, represents an enormous life change for me.  Let me tell you a little about me:

I'm 30 years old, have been married for almost eleven years to the lovely Shawna (my partner-for-life and best friend), and have two children (Alexis, 8, and Gentry, 7).  I've got a wonderful job and am finishing up my MBA this year. 

And I think I'm gonna go get a PhD.  Which is huge.  Because it means quitting my job; devoting four or five straight years to study, research and writing; probably moving (which is kinda stressful, because I'm not very capricious).  It's also huge, though, because it means pursuing something I love.  More about that later, though.

Thing is, I like to write, and it helps me to sort myself out if I write down what I'm thinking.  And, maybe there are others out there who have something to say about this whole process.  And, if so, I'd love it if you'd weigh in. 

At any rate, this is just to let the vast, unhearing digital universe know that I'm committed.  'Cuz it's written down.