Family Balance

The PhD process, I hear, is stressful no matter who you are.  Making the life change required in order to pursue this particular dream is particularly challenging as a husband and parent (with this whole life that we've built, the trappings of which we're going to have to pare away in order to do this).  I'm going to have to walk away from a great career, move away from a great place with wonderful friends and a great church, and leave our lovely house--and move to someplace far away, and life on substantially less money in a home (or perhaps apartment) not nearly as beautiful as this one, and meet all new friends in some strange place. 

I'm stressing myself out just writing about it. 

I'd be lying if I said it's not going to be a sacrifice; it is.  As I've "grown up" and we've had children, the natural order of life has snuck up on us and, without realizing it, we've put down some pretty deep roots.  Even my children are a little worried about leaving their school and their friends.

But then, nothing comes easy, and most things worth doing cost something.  We've talked a lot about it, and we are committed to the change.

I've been a little worried about the family/life balance once in the program, though.  A friend put me in touch with two married-with-children PhD ABD's; I chatted with each of them this week.  It was nice to pick someone's brain a bit about trying to maintain a balanced life while pursuing the PhD. 


Neither of them painted the process out to be a walk in the park; they both impressed upon me the heavy time commitment that is the PhD process.  But they also both indicated that they have a fulfilled family life; it's not the same as it used to be, they both admit, but still healthy and fulfilling.  And their children and spouses understand and are supportive.


All in all, I think that, in a strange way, the conversations were both reassuring.  It helps to know married parents who are doing this successfully--to talk to them, and know that they're not superhuman or something.  As strange as it sounds, a real conversation with a real person like me, makes me feel a little more certain; if they can do it, so can I. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessing over the smallest details, but I have this desperate need to know everything there is to know about what I'm getting into.  Nothing wrong with that, is there?

I doubt I'm all that different from most others who've passed this way.